Being a Feminist & a Total Fucking Cliche at the Same. Damn. Time.

I’ve never shied away from voicing my stance on Feminism. One of my many bug-a-boos about being a woman is the box that we’re supposed to fit into in order to be “feminine”. I don’t appreciate being told who I am supposed to be or how I am supposed to act. I quite enjoy being different and flawed and fun.

However, just for funzies (yes, that is on purpose), here is a list of all the ways I am a total fucking cliche:

  1. When I get my period I want all the chocolate, Chinese food, and cuddly stuff all at once. I want to weep and scream and laugh and punch something.
  2. I fucking like pumpkin spice stuff, OK??!?!
  3. I own approximately 1 million romantic comedy DVDs and watch them on a rotation.
  4. I sneeze like a god-damned fairy princess. It’s cute as shit.
  5. Cleaning is like therapy for me. Messes are the devil and you best use a damn coaster.
  6. I have a yoga mat, dumbbells, and an elliptical all in the corner gathering cobwebs.
  7. If I see something tiny and cute, I might squeal.
  8. Weddings make me sob like Dawson when Joey chose Pacey.
  9. I would straight up run through a group of toddlers, step on them, shove them to the ground, elbow them in the nose to get to Joseph Gordon-Levitt if I saw him in the street.
  10. My apartment looks seance-ready with all the scented candles I have burning all at once on a daily basis.
  11. I have been known to wear a sexy halloween costume. Cat ears and tiny dress? Check.
  12. I would rather eat fire than make the first move if I’m interested in a guy.
  13. I JUST WANT PRETTY HAIR FOR ONCE IN MY DAMN LIFE!
  14. I might have saved that movie ticket stub from 7 years ago when we saw Step Brothers because I’m sentimental as shit.
  15. If a movie has a musical and/or dance sequence, I fucking own it.
  16. It takes me 13 years to pick out a body wash because I literally have to smell ALL OF THEM.
  17. Wine is like a son to me.

Now, just to save face a little bit, here are some ways that I’m not a total fucking cliche:

  1. I burp so damn loud my dog flinches.
  2. I want to set fire to all of Nicholas Sparks’s books. STOP WRITING SCREENPLAYS DISGUISED AS BOOKS SO YOU CAN LINE YOUR POCKETS – YOUR WRITING IS GARBAGE!
  3. “Relaxing” in a bath or hot tub makes me want to vomit.
  4. My favorite things to do are: reading, writing, watching baseball, doing crosswords, eating, drinking beer.
  5. My least favorite things to do are: shopping, painting my nails, doing my hair, wearing dresses, cooking, exercising or moving my body around in general.
  6. I have 1 bathing suit because I’m really freaking practical.
  7. I received the highest A.C.T. (The Midwest’s “S.A.T.”) score in my entire grade in high school.
  8. I learned to read/write/add/subtract when I was 4 years old.
  9. I won my 7th grade spelling bee.
  10. I live alone and prefer it.
  11. Finally, I drink and curse like a fucking WOMAN.

So, cheers to all those Feminists out there that might want to be a cliche once in awhile. Bravo!

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